Sinking Yet?

So my family buried my cousin last Thursdays day. Was so hard to believe he died. I still keep telling myself he is on a beach some place, laughing at the world, but you never know. This happened for a reason, and who am I to question it.

Last night was hard. All these things just hit me. I lost a great friend, I lost my job, a few of my grades have slipped down to low marks (shame me), I lost my cousin in Iraq, my grandmother is a drunk and wont stop drink til the day she dies, I am rethinking moving, well more like hoping I can get a job in AZ or NY for the time being and then get a flat there, I have a paper on the meaning of life due, I am missing something in my mind. Maybe I am going crazy....you never know.

The other day, I got this email from a friend of mine. It said:

another way to fight the husks is to bring yourself to joy and delight because of the vital spark which burns within you, the good point. think of the true preciousness of being of the seed of israel, of having drawn close to men of truth who can lead you and guide you along the path of truth. this gives you the hope of gaining enduring good. through this joy you can break the husks and obstacles which lurk at every level. your friends is also helped when you fortify yourself and break though the obstacles so as to keep on moving up to the next level. a moment ago your friend was standing on the very level which you have now enterd. so now your friend also has to move on and rise to an even higher level. it is impossible for two people to stand on one level. a person can actually lift his friend up and bring him up higher. [ BY RABI NACHMAN ]

So I have been thinking about it almost non-stop for the past few days. Just wondering what have a missed. Then it hit me.....I am crazy, just kidding, I need to wait for time to tell. But it was right, I need to move to a higher level.

Other than that, life is great. I am getting back at my school work. I am holding my head up, and like all have told me before STAY STRONG. I hope I can do that.

Alfred-R.I.P.

Today, my cousin, was killed in Iraq. He was driving, and his vehicle hit a road mine. My family is shook up. We never thought he would die, and it still seems unreal. My father said he never thought Alfred was in any danger. This was is second tour of duty. He made it once, so we always thought he would be okay.

Cousin, your family loves you so much.

He was 32 years.....

La vida es el coger excelente

And it sure is.....

Apart from feeling a little lonely and cut off from the world, life is excellent, hence the title of this post......

Nothing new has happened. It has been really easy going lately. I have been keeping my head up, praying, and doing all I know how to do to keep myself busy.
School has been okay, nothing big to announce there. I am getting good grades.....kind of. One of my online classes, I forget about. It is the second time I forgot to look at it, and do the assignments. Don't ask how I do it, but I get all my work done on the other online class, but just seem to forget that other class is there. I am hoping I do not fail the class. Other than that, lectures have gone great.

Work.....ah yes, the favorite thing to hate. I am still looking for another job, beside the one I have now. Paper work is not my favorite thing to do. It sucks, but at $11 an hour, I will keep it for now.

Have a great week everyone

The Random Thoughts of Perez

• Well, I got a job last week, and I am waiting for approval of another job in retail. I hope I get it, but if not, it is all good still.
• Joshua is making it real easy for me to get over him. He will not leave me alone. He keeps harassing me. So there is bad news there
• Have plans to travel in 2008. My hopes are to travel to NY in January and then India in July. I am excited.
• I am hoping Susie and I can get a flat in AZ in January. I have to try and get a job out there as well, transfer college. All that fun stuff
• I was thinking about the phrase "stay strong". It has been said to me so often these past few weeks, I started to wonder if I am really strong, or am I blocking out everything. Then it hit me....oh boy did it hit me. My mind state went from wondering if I can live without Josh, and then it hit me.....I went off on myself, yelling at me for being so stupid and blind. That fool hurt me so much and I wanted to stay with that? What was wrong with me, I asked myself. If I was strong, I would have left him so long ago. I was happy because I can tell myself I am happy, and I will be happy, but not anymore. I come to the clear realization that I should not live under any man. I am a person, not property.
• Lectures have been going great. I have started to fall behind with all the stuff that has been going on, but I will keep moving
• Stay strong perez-mental note....

After....

So this is when it hits me.....days after something happens. I will not feel any hurt, and three weeks after Joshua and I went our separate ways, I am feeling it. I think it is the fact he will not stop calling me and text messaging me. And when he does call me, he will not stop lecturing me about other guys will treat me so bad. Joshua is a hypocrite, he has been a jerk to me for the last two years. Something changed, he started to drink more, but that is not the point. But it is now hitting me, I have lost the one person I loved so much......

My Trip To AZ

So I got up and left, without a word to anyone.....Stupid move? Yeah, maybe you could say that, but it all worked out in the end. I went out there to clear my head, and sure I cleared it well and thought about life without Joshua by my side. I wanted to cry at the thought of him not being there, but I try to be as strong as I can.

I didn't do much, just hung out and got drunk with Suz. It was good to let go of all the stress and have fun and well, act like a stupid drunk person. I would have pictures to show, but while I was sitting on the ground, I took the camera from Suz and dropped it. So yeah, now I have no photos and I have to find a way to fix it.

On a sad note, I lost my job. But I am happy about that, because I never really like the job and knew it was time to move on. So now I get to go to lectures on Friday and then spend the rest of the time looking for a new job.

So that was my little trip. I had a good time. I think I have a better plan in my head and need to go for it. So wish me luck....

Yes. I Am the Worlds Coolest DAD

I love to wear the oversize men's t-shirt. They are so cozy and I love to style, the whole nine yards. They are great shirts. So yesterday, I picked up the coolest, most hippy-ish looking shirt that said "Worlds Coolest Dad". I love the shirt. I wore it to work and everyone wanted to come up with some kind of female meaning for dad, but they had no luck. Here is where I got the best laugh, was a the liquor store. I walked in, it was busy, when I got in line, this guy, maybe about 40years, looked at me a raised an eyebrow and I gave him a very big smile. He let out the biggest laugh I have heard and said, "You ain't no dad". I could not help it, I laughed some more and told him that I was not a dad, but it is a cool shirt to make people laugh. I love moments like that, where you can make someone you have never meet and make them laugh and talk to them......

A good life it is.......Because I am the Worlds Coolest DAD.....